Showing posts with label customer service. Show all posts
Showing posts with label customer service. Show all posts

Friday, January 28, 2011

Stress One Now

To continue on the topic of automated answering systems, you may enjoy the chapter "Stress One Now" from Whoopi Goldberg's 2010 book Is It Just Me? Or Is It Nuts Out There?

If you are a current customer, say 'yes.'"
"No."
"So, to confirm, you are a current customer, correct? If so, say yes."
"No."
"Good. I'll connect you to current customer relations. Your wait time is approximately...horty-hoo inutes."
(I find that yelling "Operator...assistance...human being." into the phone connects me to the right department about 15% of the time.)

Goldberg's other chapters include "Louder, They Can't Hear You in the Lobby," and "Road Rude."  She says some unkind things about bloggers, but I'll overlook them, since I agree with her on many points.

I'm a little surprised that even though she's a famous star Goldberg knows about office nuisances like people leaving science projects in the fridge, and not refilling the photocopy paper.  I assume she has assistants to research things like that.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

A Modest Proposal for Preventing Passengers Boarding Air Carriers from Being a Burden to Their Fellow Passengers

Whenever I fly, I wonder why the airlines board passengers from the front of the plane to the back. Premier and business class travelers, whose seats are so much more comfortable than mine, may prefer to stow their carry-ons and take their ease. That makes sense.

Economy flyers, though, need a better system. When I travel economy, if my seating area is at the back of the plane, I have to wait until last to board. That means I step around or on all those other people who are either still trying to cram their luggage in the overhead compartments, sprawling in their seats or arguing about who has which seat.

Likewise, I don’t understand why people are in such a hurry to get off the plane the minute it lands. If they have tight connections, sure. But many of those people have to pick up their checked baggage at the carousel. It won’t arrive there before they do.

I now modestly propose a more rational system for boarding large aircraft passengers:

First, admit first class and upgraded passengers, passengers with children, and those who need special assistance.

Second, admit everyone sitting in window seats. Then, once the window passengers are seated and out of the aisles, fill the middle seats. When they're out of the way, finally, let in the people with aisle seats.

If people need to make tight connections, they can be sure to reserve aisle seats. Their luggage will be the last stowed, so it should be easily to hand. They can grab it and go.

(Granted, the storage space for carry-on luggage may be used up before the aisle sitters arrive on the plane, but that happens anyway with the current system.)

In a perfect world, the cabin crew would ask other passengers to wait for people on a deadline. They would remind us that instead of a frantic race to the jetway, we could enjoy a serene and leisurely departure.

Think about this the next time you fly, please, and tell me if you don’t think this would make much more sense.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

No Mulligans for Slater

Customer service workers the world round have cheered Steven Slater since Monday.

Slater was the JetBlue flight attendant who'd grinned and borne passenger rudeness one time too many. After a passenger dropped the f-bomb on him on Monday, he delivered a maledictory speech on the plane's PA system, grabbed a beer and deployed the emergency chute.

On Thursday, though, he asked for his job back.

No mulligans, Steven. A last stand is a last stand. That's why we honor and remember them.

What if Chief Joseph had said, "I will fight no more...unless I can round up more warriors."?

Asking for your job back says that you value the job more than you do your pride. That customers can heap indignity upon you, knowing that even if you lose your cool, you'll crawl back and ask for more.

You say you love flying. Wouldn't you love it just as much jetting from speaking engagement to speaking engagement plugging your new book Emergency Exit: Mollifying Your Customer-Facing Staff?

That strategy didn't work well for Chief Joseph, but Chief Joseph didn't have the internet and YouTube to promote himself. Nor did he have Craiglist, which apparently abounds in unpaid ghostwriters. Judging by all the Craigslist postings in New York and New Jersey, all you have to do is call the honor of writing your book an "internship" to find free scriveners. So stand your ground.

(My posting 80/20 Rule was just a little ahead its time, apparently.)

Monday, June 28, 2010

80/20 Rule

Lloyd and I put together a fish and chips stand.

This weekend, our neighbor organized a block-long yard sale. We set up under a tree and soon people queued up for astonishingly delicious deep fried striped bass and potatoes.

The 80/20 rule says that 80% of your business comes from 20% of your customers, and that you'll never please the bottom 20% of your customers.

I'd say it was more like the 95/5 rule, but we did have one woman who was so annoying I finally told her off. She wanted bigger fillets. So for her second order I gave her the biggest fish chunks we had, fresh out of the wok. She insisted over and over that she wanted more fish on her first plate as well.

"Ma'am, this costs two dollars. Two dollars. You can barely get an order of fries at McDonalds for that," I snapped. She took her plates and wandered away, grumbling.

We hardly "netted" the cost of supplies, and if you count the labor, we actually came out behind. That was not the point of the exercise; it was to have fun being neighborly and show off Lloyd's tremendous catch (120 pounds) and his 60,000 BTU camp stove.

The customer is not always right. Two dollars a plate was a steal and still this woman wanted more. I bet fast-food workers around the world only wish they could tell off their unreasonable customers the way I did.

PS The food processor does a better job than I ever could at slicing potatoes. Is it a coincidence that Americans started growing fatter at the same time that the Cuisinart arrived at US department stores?

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Your Call Is (not that) Important to Us

I rarely 'fess up to the years I spent performing and managing customer service. It seems quotidian compared to my current glamorous marketing duties.

And yet, marketing and customer service are mirror twins. Marketing targets and attracts the customers, then it hands them off to customer service. Customer service has the longer-term job of keeping marketing's promises--and of keeping the customer satisfied.

I read with great interest Your Call Is (not that) Important to Us: Customer Service and What It Reveals about Our World and Our Lives by Emily Yellin. Most of us "get" customer service. We understand how voicemail works, and how companies use customer relationship management (CRM) phone trees to try to keep us away from an actual expensive live operator.

What we don't all know is how those CRM systems work, what the best ones are accomplishing and the unintended consequences of the systems that make it deliberately hard to communicate.
I never thought about the relationship between the corporate toll-free number and longer wait times, but of course it's true that if the company is paying for a WATS line it feels free to keep me on hold--if I were paying for that air time I would revolt or hang up.

As much as companies may wish that I would serve myself by locating the right person through their phone tree or by referring to their website, telephone service is still a valuable outreach to customers who either don't have Internet access, don't read the language, or have a difficulty spanning departments that they can't shove into just one box.

I bookmarked page 84 in the chapter To Send Us Your Firstborn, Please Press or Say "One," glad to learn that I have allies among the experts.

a big pet peeve among top speech technology designers like Springer is the phrase, "Please listen carefully, as soon of our menu options have changed"....He thinks it should be banished from all speech systems, calling it "extremely controlling." And he asks, "Why take up eight seconds to say something so condescending?"