Take our kids to work

Yesterday I enjoyed my first paid speaking engagement.  Now I can put "professional speaker" on my resume, along with my public speaking prizes.

The crowd wasn't very demanding: 3- to 12-year-olds visiting the office for Take Our Kids to Work day.  After my speech, they had pizza and then they were supposed to go across the street for cotton candy and bean bag tosses.

My speech, of course, was entertaining and educational.  But for the rest of the day, what did these children learn?  That when Daddy and Mommy go to the office their bosses shake their hands and offer them hot chocolate?

When I visited my father in the office I saw the stock tickers.  When I visited my stepmother I saw the Linotype and the manual exchange switchboard.  That photocopy machine made my day.  Once I figured out how to use it, I wrote and illustrated books.  Unfortunately I wasn't invited back...

When my kids visited me in the office they watched me stare at the computer and yell at them if they interrupted me in mid-sentence.  Or they helped me address mass mailings. 

When they visit Lloyd, they see a real chem lab with spectrometers and safety glasses and everything.

In other words, my children and I saw real work.  I hope all those children who participated in Take Our Kids to Work Day yesterday saw a little of that as well.

Another postage rate increase in April 2011?

By accident I stumbled on this announcement of the US Postal Service's intention to impose "new prices for mailing services" next month. 

Can't find any news stories about it.  The latest press release about prices in the USPS newsroom is from June of last year.

I'll keep you "posted."

Off-the-wall idea for churches and houses of worship

 

Houses of worship of any religion should always be looking for ways to attract new members.  Here’s one you may want to try.

Distribute a letter to recent arrivals and neighbors.

• ·        For neighbors, use church volunteers and door hangers.  Target the houses and apartments nearby.  The more volunteers you have, the farther afield you can go.
• ·        For new arrivals, check municipal records for property transfers and mail out the letters.

The letter:

Welcome to (community name)!   (Or “Hello, neighbor.”)  If you’re interested in joining a house of worship, the congregation at (house of worship name) invites you to visit us at (address). 

(House of worship) is special because (unique selling proposition).

Our services are at (day and time).  If you have questions, please visit us on the internet at (URL) or call us at (telephone number).

Whether you decide to join our congregation or not, if you visit us we’d appreciate your honest and anonymous feedback about how you felt when you visited.  Here’s an anonymous survey.  If you care to fill it out, please send it to (PO Box number/city/state/ZIP)

We hope to see you soon.

Sincerely,

(Religious leader name)

(Religious leader title)

PS If you’d like more information, please do call us at (telephone number).  We promise no sales pitches!

The survey

Thank you for visiting us at (house of worship).  Your anonymous answers to this survey will help us understand how new visitors feel when they visit us.

Why did you visit (house of worship)?

• ·        I received a letter.
• ·        A friend or neighbor invited me.
• ·        Special occasion:
• ·        Holiday service
• ·        Special service such as a funeral
• ·        Other ___________________________________________________________________

• ·        When you visited us, did at least one person greet you with a friendly smile and an introduction?     Yes/No
• ·        Did anyone invite you to return?  Yes/No

•  ·        Was the building itself welcoming?  (Were there any physical barriers that made it difficult for you to participate in the service?) __________________________________________________________________

• ·        Have you visited a (denomination) church before? Yes/No
• ·        Was it difficult to follow the service? Yes/No
• ·        If it was difficult, why was it difficult to follow the service? ________________________________________________________________
•  
• ·        What did you think was the best thing about our service or our welcome?  ________________________________________________________________
• ·        What did you think was the least positive thing about our service or our welcome? _________________________________________________________________ 

Please answer the questions below on a scale from 1 to 5, with 1 meaning “completely untrue,” 3 meaning “neutral,” and 5 meaning “completely true.”

                                                

                                                  Untrue           Neutral           True

                                                          

I felt welcome at the service        1         2        3          4          5

I might return to (house of

                                 Worship)         1         2        3          4          5

• ·        Is there anything else you'd like to tell us about your time with us?   __________________________________________________________________

                         

Thank you so much for filling out this survey!  We’re always trying to ensure that (house of worship) is as welcoming as possible.  Your opinions will help us.

Please mail this survey to PO Box number/city/state/ZIP

A special note from (religious leader): Thanks again for visiting us!  We hope we’ll see you again at (house of worship).

(Signature)

I can’t think of any congregation that wouldn’t benefit from feedback from visitors.  You’re welcome to use this idea, and if you do, I’d appreciate your opinions!

Happy new year.

Writing tightly

I had problem meeting word requirements for college essays.  I didn’t like writing bloated prose, though I did it when I had to.

Fortunately, tight writing is a virtue when preparing ads and direct mail.  If a few more words bump you up from a postcard stamp (.28) to a large postcard stamp (.44), you ruthlessly slash a few words from somewhere.

Newspaper experience teaches you a) to make your words fit in the allotted space and b) to get it in on time.

But before you write for the newsletterpaper, you’ve probably written poetry.  And, boy, is that good practice!  Not only do you have to keep down the word count, the words also have to scan and rhyme. 

I only write poetry occasionally now, but it’s a good exercise in forcing yourself to write economically.  Even writing a few couplets for a Burma-Shave style ad disciplines you to justify the use of every word.

I recommend poetry to every budding writer, especially those with no intention of publishing.  Just as musicians play scales but don’t perform them, writing poetry strengthens all your other writing.

PS Don’t forget that postage rates go up on January 1.

Darn weatherstripping

Nothing says "Your neighbors hope you'll vote on this issue" like a hand-folded leaflet delivered to your door by a neighbor.

The problem is the darn weatherstripping.

Most of us know that it's illegal to put anything that's not US mail into a mailbox. So there I stand at your stoop, trying to figure out how to leave the leaflet so that it won't blow away.

The problem is that your weatherstripping is so tight that I can't wedge my important flyer between your jamb and your door. I'm all in favor of energy conservation, but I wish I could leave my message for you, confident that it won't take off in the next gust of wind.

Norfolk latches, attached to the door at two points, allow me to fold the flyer and leave it under the latch. Unfortunately, I only found a couple of those.

To the people with the jalousie storm door: I hope it's okay that I wedged the flyer between two of your louvers.

After delivering to 4 1/2 streets yesterday, I have new respect for letter carriers.

Attn Direct Mailers: US Postage Rates Increasing

If you like to mail things as much as I do, you'll be dismayed to learn that US postage rates will go up on January 2. Better get those promotional mailings out now.

My favorite direct mail piece is the postcard. Besides the fact that the postage is cheaper, postcards cut through the clutter. The recipient doesn't even have to open the envelope. Just flip it over and read the message.

Like E.B. White, postcards challenge us to write tight. If space permits only 50 words but you have 60, something has to go.

Most of all, postcards are physical. They have an eye appeal and heft that email can never rival.

And they're so darned cheap. I just ordered 500 4-color cards for $33 from printsmadeeasy.com. That's only 15 cents each--half the cost of a postcard stamp on January 2. Better get those mailings out now.

Postcards--when you care enough to send something better than email.

Popups and popunders

Here's a direct mail challenge: send mail to boys at summer camp every day for a week. Mailing pieces must be brief, if recipients not avid readers, unsentimental, preferably humorous. If you don't feel like going to the post office for a weigh in every day, must fit in #10 envelope and weigh less than 2 ounces. No candy allowed. Ah, and did I mention that you must begin mailing four days before the camper even boards the bus?

One year I thought I distinguished myself with a series of cartoon postcards depicting what said camper was doing every day at camp. Said camper informs me that he did not in fact appreciate these miniature works of art.

This year I took a shortcut and looked on the internet for camping jokes. Usually I search for things like "material handling systems" or "apply for DUNS number." These webmasters know that I am not there for fun. I need the information they provide. Their sites make no desperate bids for my attention (if they make any at all).

This search was a new experience for me. Try this yourself: go to Google and enter "camp jokes" in the window. The quantity of popups on the sites I found flabbergasted me.

Pity the poor maligned engineer who invented popups, probably in answer to a real problem. Some popups are blessings. I am grateful for a popup telling me "System going down in five minutes; please save your work".

It all changed, though, the day the first salesperson saw a popup and said, "Wow! I can use this device to put my message right under the user's nose! It won't go away until the user clicks on the little x! Hey, we can get the programmers to put lots of these on our website!"

"But-" the programmer sputtered. "Popups are for emergencies!"

"Yeah, and it'll be an emergency for you if we outsource your job to Bangalore."

And popunders do not even pretend to carry important messages. You just look down at your screen and realize that you suddenly have eleven open windows. No wonder your screen refreshes so slowly.

I am pleased to say that Google agrees with me about pop-ups. Apparently they find them as intrusive as I do. Which is why you will never find pop-ups on this site, other than the fact that Google hosts Blogspot, and I do not know how to program pop-ups. Yet.