Saturday, November 29, 2008

Targeted Marketing I Like Best

You don't need a bazillion customers. In fact, you only need one.

A friend of mine asked me to help her with my favorite kind of marketing: writing her Match.com profile.

The requests have increased since I met my own husband on Match.com. We've been married nearly a year and a half now. I didn't have to move out of the school district, and he and I have never fought. We are living proof that Match.com works.

The first thing I enjoy about writing profiles is that, like writing someone's resume, you hold up a flattering mirror to your friend. Unlike resume writing, you can be more creative and the stakes are lower. (It's easier to live without a significant other than without a paycheck.)

My random thoughts on Match.com profiles:
  1. Do your research for a good username. This is a tough one. They ask you to create a username up front, before your creative juices are flowing. Your username is like your brand, so make it sizzle. Try to find out first what other women in your area are doing. Otherwise you will end up with a very dull one like mine (first name + area code. Zzzzzz.)
  2. Get at least one good picture before you start. Your picture is more important than your written content, in my opinion. Potential mates deserve to know what you look like. I recommend Sears Portrait Studio. They have enhancers they don't tell you about when you take your rosy-cheeked children in for portraits. They can diffuse the focus to obscure your crow's feet, and brighten your skin. I'm all in favor of truth in advertising, but definitely put your best foot forward. If you buy the CD you own the copyright.
  3. People want to see your eyes. Forego the sunglasses in your primary photo. And even if the shot makes you look buff, don't use it if a shadow obscures your face.
  4. If you have a great sense of humor, why not hold up today's newspaper in your photo so people can tell that the photo is current?
  5. Be honest. I once met a 60-year-old woman who convinced herself she could pass for 40. (Not so much.)
  6. When I was in real estate, they told us to tune to WIFM (What's in It For Me?) Sure, it's gratifying to write all about yourself, but then read what you write from the perspective of your potential mate. You want him or her to be able to picture him- or herself joining you in your activities and having a good time.
  7. Use your spell checker. Please.
  8. It works on Craigslist, but not on Match. When I was newly single, I had a set of heavy mirrors that I wanted to bolt to the studs in my apartment. So I tried using the headline "I need a studfinder." This was too risque for Match.com, which changed my headline to a tepid, "Hello, there." You can be funny on Match.com, but only up to PG-13.
  9. Yes, you will meet weirdos. The latest friend I helped with her profile emailed me to say that men had contacted her with inappropriate suggestions. (Not lewd, fortunately, but looking for too much information, too soon.) This happened to me, too, at the worst time, when I was just putting feelers out there and was very unsure of my dating prospects. Some people play the numbers. They contact every new subscriber hoping that they will find one or two gullible or needy enough to accept faux intimacy. You only need one Match, but he or she must be the right one. Keep tweaking your profile and don't let the gamers get you down.
  10. I have heard of people who use SEO. When you change your profile, it springs to the top of the searches. You can make teensy changes every day and see what happens. Some people even take their accounts offline for a time, to imply that they are dating someone, and then go back online. I haven't heard if that ultimately found those people their Princes or Princesses Charming, but it's worth a try.
  11. Go for the six-month account. In my experience you do not find the right person within a month.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Hoodwinked

Reality can be ugly enough. The story in the Star Ledger about the man who shot his girlfriend and boiled her head made me want to read something light and fluffy.

So I went to the library looking for a diversion and found some chick lit, You Had Me at Goodbye, by Tracey Bateman.

The problem with browsing at the library is that the call numbers cover up the colophons. Had I been able to see the full spine I would have known that this was Christian literature disguised as ordinary chick lit.

I wanted to read about how a heroine improbably solves her problems with skinny lattes and stilettos.

I was hoodwinked.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Authority

A website I wrote copy for last summer is up at last. I'm proud to see that my words are hardly changed.

Because I wrote it as an subcontractor for an independent contractor, I must disavow my relationship to it in exchange for cashing the check.

That's one of the difficult things about writing: some of the best things I write are anonymous. I have no byline. I have no authority.

On the other hand, that's why I enjoy writing this blog. Here, you know who wrote it. So thanks for visiting.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

1600 People Voted for Non-Candidate

My local elections distressed me: two people I know and like were running for the same position.

Fortunately for me, one of them solved my dilemma by dropping out of the race. It was too late for his name to be excised from the ballot. I knew that he was not running, but I was surprised to see no notification at the polls.

"Norman's not running," I chatted with a poll worker. She was aware of that. "Can't they at least cross off his name with a china marker?" (Our ballots are touch screens.) She suggested I call the county clerk. I didn't. I figured that if I knew that Norman had dropped out, most other people did, too.

After all, I am not a politico. I try to follow the issues, but people who really get them leave me in the dust. Still, I read in the Star-Ledger yesterday that more than 1600 people cast their votes for Norman.

Potential reasons that people may not have been aware that they were voting for a non-candidate
1) of course, Norman had no incentive to inform voters of his changed status after he dropped out
2) loyal voters may just have voted along party lines
2) voters may have been concentrating on the state and federal elections, and may have been figuring that local elections were not important enough to follow

If they don't keep up with local politics, they may just think that their candidate was defeated, instead of understanding that they wasted their ballot.

I bet Norman is kicking himself right now.