Mystery Shopping

It's a mystery to me why, when I visit a local business, I find posters in the front window advertising the firefighter's barbecue that took place two months before. Why doesn't the proprietor simply hang out a poster instead that reads,

I don't care what my business looks like to my customers.
I never walk in the front door, anyway.
In fact, that's why I never flip over the "open" sign,
even when my business is clearly shut for the night.

Often what I don't find is some indication of when the business is open. I'm a real, live customer with money in her wallet, but I don't know if I have to wait 15 minutes or an hour and 15 minutes until I can get inside and buy something. Meh. I have other things to do than wait around.

I understand that freehand painting store hours on the window is expensive--and what if you decide to change your hours? But last time I checked, Staples sold lighted signs for $129.99, and if you really don't want to make a commitment, there's the flimsy plastic sign for $5.49.

While you're putting up signs, can you somehow mark your street number? I know it seems like no big deal to you, but if I'm walking down the block in high heels, I really do want to know if 350 Main Street is close at hand. This issue has been raised in New York City. Let's spread our concern all around the country, at least where I shop.

Finally, nothing says "the heck with my customers" like snow treatment. As a pedestrian, believe me, I remember which businesses barely clear one shovel width of snow, and which ones think that sprinkling a little salt suffices.

You have sidewalks. They're good for walk-in traffic. You have snow. Sorry, but them's the breaks.

I wish I'd written that ad

I could not take my eyes off the ad last night, and I watched the commercials hoping it would play again. It featured a racially-ambiguous woman boasting about her white pants and fabulous hair, and I had to wait till the very end to find out which feminine hygiene product she was selling.

Kotex. Kotex? My grandmother used Kotex.

I'm having computer problems this morning or I would research this further, but I believe Kotex was the first commercially-available feminine hygiene product. Kimberly-Clark or their predecessors introduced it after the success of disposable bandages during World War I.

Apparently the brand has reinvented itself. Whoever wrote that ad must have had a lot of fun with it. I envy them. I am actually looking forward to trying it out.

No April Fool joke here.