LinkedIn Expertise

I’m now an “internet marketing expert” on LinkedIn. 

Here’s what happened:  I visited LinkedIn Answers. I answered another user’s question: how she could get her team to promote her email newsletter? That was easy; I rattled off a few ways that I would have promoted my own newsletter in a perfect world. 

The asker chose mine as “best answer.”   That means I now have an “expert” badge on my profile.

Annoyingly, some people who ask LinkedIn questions never close the loop by choosing the “best answer.”

One fellow asked where he could get print copies of Miss Clairol ads from the 1960s.  Several people sent him to URLs where he could have printed low-res copies.  I actually spent dozens of minutes on eBay tracking down actual ads and even packaging.  I enjoyed it, and I fully expected that he would acknowledge my work by awarding me the “best answer.”  Two months later, he still hasn’t chosen a best answer.

In fact, about 80% of the askers whose questions I’ve answered never select a “best answer.”  Some generous LinkedIn members answer questions because they want to share their knowledge.  Or because they want the links back to their own websites.  But many people like me answer questions because they want that “expert” badge and the ego gratification that goes with it.

So I emailed LinkedIn.  They don’t follow up with askers who don’t close their questions, and they don’t plan to.

If I really, really wanted the badge, and strangers really, really didn’t want to select best answers, there would be a dishonest solution: a “best answer exchange.” 

1. My friend Jimmy Doakes asks a question; I answer it.  Jimmy picks my answer as “best.” 
2.  I ask a question.  Jimmy’s friend Shruti answers it.  I pick Shruti’s answer.
3.  Shruti poses a question.  Jimmy answers.  Shruti picks Jimmy.

Note that I pose this scenario in the subjunctive.  I wouldn’t actually set up an exchange, of course.  It would degrade the value of my precious “best answer” badge.

One thing’s for sure: if I’ve thought of it, someone else is already doing it.  Just sayin’.

Copywriting Prostitutes

My favorite clients are the ones whose writing skills are undistinguished, whose writing doesn't reflect their other accomplishments.  They appreciate good writers.  They may ask for minor rewrites, but on the whole we get along well.  They’re pleased, and they say so.  They pay on time.  We both walk away happy.

Then there are the ones who write decently.  They believe that they could do the work themselves.  Some of them could.  As a result, they don’t really value my services.

And there are the ones who patronize the furtive writers who stand on the corners in mini skirts and fishnet stockings.  These pros shame themselves by writing academic essays for lazy students who’ve probably spent too much time playing beer pong or otherwise disporting themselves.

For example

Just ask the Doc…

If you are looking for help with your academic work, you have come to the right place. I have helped hundreds of students just like you. My high quality work is always on time.

I am a Phd and a Harvard Graduate. Outside of running my own business, I freelance in academic writing and take on about 3 new clients each week. Many of my clients are repeat customers who know they can rely on me to get the job done. 

• I am an expert in APA, MLA and Chicago formatting.
• I have written dissertations, theses, capstones, literature reviews and research papers.
• I can take on rush assignments with a turn-around time of less than 24 hours.
• My rates are reasonable and include unlimited revisions.

There is no project too big or too small. Please give me a call today: (phone number) or email me at (email address)

No exaggeration.  I copy/pasted "Doc's" ad.  “Doc” is too lazy to type an apostrophe ("If you are looking"), or to capitalize properly ("PhD," and "Harvard Graduate").  Is the "shift" key so hard to reach with that left little finger?

Yet his or her work is probably better than his or her clients’. The clients are probably grateful.  The problem is that "Doc's" writing penalizes students who attend college to learn, who turn in less-than-perfect papers, and who seek honest feedback from professors.  “Doc’s” clients graduate and find that they can’t write worth a bucket of warm spit.  They become my grateful clients.

In the meantime, “Doc” cheats students and educators simultaneously.  Hope they're wearing protection.  “Doc” is a prostitute among copywriters, degrading us all. 

Advertising: Good, Bad, Creepy

When I went out leafleting last weekend, I saw three kinds of outdoor advertising: good, bad, and creepy.

When it comes to elections and Hallowe’en, it pays to advertise.  Hence, many lawns were decorated with pumpkins, skeletons, tombstones and political yard signs.

As to the election, “my” side, opposing selling New Providence’s largest park to Union County for $1, got the yard signs and the votes out early.  Somehow a “vote yes” sign appeared next to my “no county park” sign the day after the elections.  I suppose that was from someone sore that New Providence rejected the sale 2:1.

As to Hallowe’en, our house failed to advertise this year.  Advertising is very important.  Even though trick or treat day fell on a Sunday, only two children showed up to claim their treats.  This was not entirely bad; we got to eat all the chocolate ourselves.

The creepy advertisement was the house with the newspapers in the driveway, three FedEx stickers on the door and the door hanger from the week before on the knob.

If the owners had merely moved away, they must have been so sinister and unfriendly they couldn’t convince anyone to take care of their entrance.  As it was, the entire front of their house was an invitation to burglars to swoop in off the highway, break a window and help themselves.

On the other hand, maybe the owners were dead and mouldering inside.  That would have been appropriate for Hallowe’en. 

I decided not to leave my bright green brochure at the door to further advertise the vacancy within.  In fact, I picked up the newspapers in the driveway, too.  But, come on, neighbor.  If you advertise the fact that your house is ripe for a break-in, you put mine at risk, too.

Hallowe’en advertising, great.  Political advertising, great, even if you don’t agree with me.  “Nobody home” advertising, reprehensible and creepy.

Darn weatherstripping

Nothing says "Your neighbors hope you'll vote on this issue" like a hand-folded leaflet delivered to your door by a neighbor.

The problem is the darn weatherstripping.

Most of us know that it's illegal to put anything that's not US mail into a mailbox. So there I stand at your stoop, trying to figure out how to leave the leaflet so that it won't blow away.

The problem is that your weatherstripping is so tight that I can't wedge my important flyer between your jamb and your door. I'm all in favor of energy conservation, but I wish I could leave my message for you, confident that it won't take off in the next gust of wind.

Norfolk latches, attached to the door at two points, allow me to fold the flyer and leave it under the latch. Unfortunately, I only found a couple of those.

To the people with the jalousie storm door: I hope it's okay that I wedged the flyer between two of your louvers.

After delivering to 4 1/2 streets yesterday, I have new respect for letter carriers.

Thoughts for election day

I don't usually pass along those chain emails, but I liked this one so much I sent it on to my friends and family.

My 20 People

You're part of my 20 people, hoping you will send this on to your 20 so we get this out before election day.

If each person contacts a minimum of twenty people then it will only take three days for most people (in the U.S. ) to receive the message.

It is time.

FIX CONGRESS!!!!!
**********************************

Congressional Reform Act of 2010

1. Term Limits.

12 years only, one of the possible options below.
A. Two Six-year Senate terms
B. Six Two-year House terms
C. One Six-year Senate term and three Two-Year House terms

2. No Tenure / No Pension.

A Congressional rep collects a salary while in office and receives no pay when
out of office.

3. Congress (past, present and future) participates in Social Security.

All funds in the Congressional retirement fund move to the Social Security system immediately. All future funds flow into the Social Security system, and Congress participates with the American people.

4. Congressional reps can purchase their own retirement plans, just as all Americans do.

5. Congress will no longer vote themselves a pay raise. Congressional pay will rise by the lower of Consumer Price Index or 3%.

6. Congress loses its current health care system and participates in the same health care system as the American people.

7. Congress must equally abide by all laws they impose on the American people.

8. All contracts with past and present Congressional reps are void effective
1/1/11:
The American people did not negotiate these contracts with their representatives.
The representatives made all these contracts for themselves.

Serving in Congress is an honor, not a career. The Founding Fathers envisioned citizen legislators who would serve their term(s), then go home and back to work.

Please feel free to cut and paste this message into your own emails. And please vote on November 2.

Web search contest

Despite my smoking' hot search technique, I can't seem to draw a bead on a seemingly simple piece of information:

How much has snowfall in Summit, NJ, changed over the past few decades?

I'd like to go back to before 1970, because I know how the mean overall precipitation has changed since then. But, except for a few record-breaking years, the only snowfall information I can find is averaged.

This information might as well be classified. Just to be sure I wasn't missing something basic, I called in the big guns. I contacted a reference librarian at QandANJ.org. Believe it or not, she couldn't find it either.

I'm pretty sure that the Snow & Ice Management Association has the information. I bet they give it out to members only, given how hard it is to find.

So here's the contest:

Be the first to find me changes in snowfall since, say, 1960. It doesn't have to be just Summit. It can be Union County. Or it can be all New Jersey. I don't need individual year info. It can be decade-over-decade averages.

If you can find that information, you get your choice of delicacy from pastryparadise.com* and my profuse thanks. Good luck.

* Offer valid in continental US and Canada only.

Site Owners: Win an iPod or a day of consulting

 

I went to alexa.com this morning to tinker with my site listing, and saw a banner that said “Take the 2010 State of Online Marketing Survey.” Anyone reading this blog knows that share my opinions freely. So I did. I like (well-designed) surveys; they make me think.

The survey is sponsored by Linkdex. But when you try to learn more about Linkdex, you end up at http://blog.influencefinder.com/

 

If you scroll down to the very bottom of the blog page you'll see in a 30% screen that Linkdex owns its copyright. To learn more, you have to strike out on your own: Linkdex is a search intelligence firm based in the UK.

Now, if you take the survey, your name goes into a drawing for one of two iPods, or for a free day of website marketing consulting. That’s not enough to induce me to give Linkdex my email address. But if you take the survey and give them your email address and you win, I’ll be happy for you.

Find the survey here: http://www.alexa.com/siteowners