80/20 Rule

Lloyd and I put together a fish and chips stand.

This weekend, our neighbor organized a block-long yard sale. We set up under a tree and soon people queued up for astonishingly delicious deep fried striped bass and potatoes.

The 80/20 rule says that 80% of your business comes from 20% of your customers, and that you'll never please the bottom 20% of your customers.

I'd say it was more like the 95/5 rule, but we did have one woman who was so annoying I finally told her off. She wanted bigger fillets. So for her second order I gave her the biggest fish chunks we had, fresh out of the wok. She insisted over and over that she wanted more fish on her first plate as well.

"Ma'am, this costs two dollars. Two dollars. You can barely get an order of fries at McDonalds for that," I snapped. She took her plates and wandered away, grumbling.

We hardly "netted" the cost of supplies, and if you count the labor, we actually came out behind. That was not the point of the exercise; it was to have fun being neighborly and show off Lloyd's tremendous catch (120 pounds) and his 60,000 BTU camp stove.

The customer is not always right. Two dollars a plate was a steal and still this woman wanted more. I bet fast-food workers around the world only wish they could tell off their unreasonable customers the way I did.

PS The food processor does a better job than I ever could at slicing potatoes. Is it a coincidence that Americans started growing fatter at the same time that the Cuisinart arrived at US department stores?

You Don't Own Me: 1099 Work

It amuses me that one of my freelance jobs at the moment is writing blog entries for a law firm, from scratch. So far they haven't complained.

With that dubious legal imprimatur, permit me to comment on independent contracting. Having been the VP of Finance of a very small independent contracting firm (one contractor, full-time, and me, putting in a few hours when the quarterly taxes were due) I do know a little about this.

Independent contractors are supposed to deliver contracted work products, period. A construction contractor delivers a building, within specs. A 1099 programmer delivers a completed computer program. A realtor delivers a signed real estate contract.

Theoretically, employers should provide benefits to employees according to the Fair Labor Standards Act. They cannot exert the same control over 1099 workers, to whom they do not provide benefits.

The employer does not tell the independent contractor when, where or how to work. The Department of Labor supposedly looks askance at an employer who says, "You'll work in our office from 8:30 to 5 on these days," or otherwise dictates how the work is completed.

In other words, you can't bring in someone who would otherwise be an employee and say, "We declare you an independent contractor, so we're not going to pay you benefits."

But in fact the Department of Labor is a little mushy on this topic. The DOL is unlikely to enforce the distinction unless the employer deprives workers of benefits on a massive scale.

And if independent contractors protest, independently, that it's inappropriate for clients or customers to attempt to control how we work, we're unlikely to find more work with those customers again.

Yet it behooves freelancers all, collectively, to understand how the law works, and to be able to protest its violation if necessary. The Fair Labor Standards Act exists for our benefit, too.

Harlan Ellison Blasts Amateur Writers

Ann Brenoff at WalletPop.com reports that increasing numbers of employers expect people to work for free to get their feet in the door. She also reports on a backlash, not only from the Department of Labor, but also from professionals such as author Harlan Ellison.

Ellison "calls writers who work for nothing "amateurs" and says they make it tough for the professionals," according to Brenoff's paraphrase.

I'm honored to be quoted in the same article as Ellison. If you scroll down to the very bottom, there I am, recommending a Craigslist posting that I found hilarious.

As I look for more of my own freelance work, you will probably see a few more pieces here about "internship" violating the Fair Labor Standards Act.

10 Reasons to Visit njcommuniques.blogspot.com

10. either Katharine or Lloyd is a friend of yours
9. you plan to leave a comment with a link to your own blog
8. you want ideas for promoting your own product, business or nonprofit
7. it's raining and you're bored today
6. you want to recommend Katharine for a job and you'd like to see what she's up to
5. you want to learn more about the Flag Code, Four Letter Functionals or Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt
4. you're thinking of starting a blog of your own and you'd like to see how someone you know does it
3. you've been meaning to for a while, but...
2. Katharine knows how to do things on the cheap so maybe you'll get some ideas
1. it's witty (or at least it has its moments)

Flag on That Play

I don't pledge my allegiance to the flag, but to the republic for which it stands.

The US flag symbolizes the men and women who have followed it into battle. Because of their sacrifice, our flag requires respect.

This is not respect. This is somebody saying, "Wow, won't we look patriotic if we put American flags on our fleet?"

Umm...no. You would look more respectful if you looked up the guidelines for displaying the flag, known as the "flag code."

You can find an explanation of the flag code at
http://www.senate.gov/reference/resources/pdf/RL30243.pdf.

I'm as guilty as anyone else. I used to wear those American flag shirts from Old Navy. Now I understand that "No part of the flag should ever be used as a costume or athletic uniform. However, a flag patch may be affixed to the uniform of military personnel, firemen, policemen, and members of patriotic organizations."

Now I leave the display of the flag to those who have earned that honor.

And, in honor of Flag Day, today, I remind you not to decorate your truck, or your trunk, or your table, with the flag.

Learn more about the flag code at
http://www.senate.gov/reference/resources/pdf/RL30243.pdf.

Marketing Works

In 2010, four years after I gave up my residential real estate practice, people still ask me if I'm in real estate.

The message stuck. Something about my marketing worked--albeit a little slower than I hoped for.

Two Suggestions for IFF and Schering-Plough

I sniffed the latest Coppertone on the shelves at the drugstore, but came up without the signature jasmine scent. I would have bought it if it had smelled like Coppertone.

Instead I bought another SPF 70 brand.

Down Lloyd and I drove to Sandy Hook, right past the International Flavors & Fragrances (IFF) plant in Hazlet. He refused to put on sunscreen before we launched (too early.) HOURS later when the sun was strong he refused to put on sunscreen because its scent would get on his line and lures and scare away the fish.

So, Schering-Plough, here are my suggestions:
1) let Coppertone smell like Coppertone
2) make a special scent for fisherfolk. I'm sure IFF can help you. Something that smells tasty to fluke. You can call it something manly like "Bait" or "Lure" or just "Men-haden," ha ha. He has to shower and throw his clothes in the washer after a day of fishing anyway. What does it matter what he smells like as long as he wears the sunscreen?